


Insecurities

by LiveLife_ShipCake



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Sad, Top Luke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 10:07:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiveLife_ShipCake/pseuds/LiveLife_ShipCake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum Hates everything about himself. Luke loves everything about Calum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurities

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it's a bit triggering :( But I hope you enjoy anyways, be sure to let me know if you did! :)

Luke lightly taps on the door to Calum's hotel room that he shared with Ashton. There's no answer, so he just slowly opens it to find a dark haired boy curled up in his bed, sniffling slightly. "You okay, Cal? You haven't been downstairs all day. Well actually..." Luke sighs, sitting on the edge of the bed, ready to confess. "Actually...you haven't been yourself at all lately, Cal. What's been going on, I though we were best mates." Calum continues to stare the other way, his insides stinging in pain.

"M' fine, Lukey." He lies, trying to discreetly wipe the stray tears away from his flustered cheeks. Luke, oblivious, nods and stands up again.

"Okay, Cally. Feel better, yeah?" Luke tries his hardest not to climb into his mates bed, and hold him tight, kiss all of his pain away. But (painfully) he was aware that their relationship was completely platonic, and that, that was completely unacceptable.

"Yeah." The older boys stomach growls noticeably loud, and Calum groans and clutches in utter pain.

"I was just coming in to tell you that me and the boys were heading to maccas for some lunch. Did you want to roll?" Luke attempted as hard as he could to not sound desperate; he failed.

"S'okay, mate." Calum continues to refuse to look Luke's way. "Not hungry."

"Bullshit, Cal." Luke deadpans, having enough. "You didn't eat lunch yesterday, and then you skipped dinner. And I'm only just taking notice, who knows how long you've been keeping this up?!"

"Get out of my room, Luke." The blond doesn't budge.

" _No_."

"Now, Luke." Calum's voice was slicked with utter seriousness, and pain, and Luke should've known he had crossed the line by then.

"I don't have to, I won't leave until-"

" _GET_. OUT!!!" The bassists whole, shaky yet volumed voice rings throughout the hotel, and Luke whimpers before quietly backing out of the room. Calum hardly gets angry, but when he does it's not a delightful sight. At all. And the worst part is, he can't find it in him to care.

~*~

_' **Faggot.'**_

_**'Everyone always talks about ash cutting, hell, that asian needs to fucking hang himself so their band sounds half decent'** _

_**'Ugly piece of shit'** _

_**'Gets blond in his hair but will never be Luke Hemmings** ' _

**_'Indirect to Joy; shoulda had a abortion bitch'_ **

"Well, That's enough of that," Calum mumbles to himself, logging out of Twitter. He weakly _~because when you've been consistently starving yourself for a time Period of God knows how long, strength isn't exactly the term to use~_ climbs off his bed, and to his worst enemy; his mirror. He lifts up his ATL sweatshirt, and pulls it over his head. It's amazing how inanity works. Calum is legitimately skin and bones, and yet he still feels _ugly. Fat. Worthless._ He rubs his fingers across his ribs that were sticking out, and traces them, grimacing. How dare Luke fuck with his emotions like that, lie, and say that Calum's worth it like he had all of those times. It was clear he was destined for failure, and he honestly couldn't wait for that  outcome to be upon him. Calum, still naked of any shirt, trudged to his bathroom and begins to run some hot bath water. Hot enough to wash all of the _filth_ off of him, and drain the blood that would soon be surrounding him in a sinister peace of liquid. He closes the door, and strips the rest of his clothes off, before grabbing his usual blade in his usual spot. He sighs, turning off the faucet, and settling himself into the seething hot water. It felt so good, the steaming pain. It was so hot, he couldn't see his disgustingness of a body underneath all of the steam. He finds himself thinking of Luke.

 _Luke_ , and the way he throws his head back and claps like a seal when he laughs.

 _Luke,_ who every night _~I do not exaggerate, even the night they had gotten into a full blown fist fight~_ came to wherever Calum was sleeping, and cuddled next to him, not being able to sleep otherwise.

 _Luke,_ who's awkward but lanky stature could easily protect Calum from the world, himself; everything. 

Calum's thoughts began to grow darker.

 **Luke** , who would never love him back. Who would always think of him has a mate, a brother, who most likely wasn't even remotely gay. Calum picks up his blade again, and sets it under water placing it on his left thigh.

 **Luke** , who he wanted to hold hands with, and kiss softly at night, be his one and only. But he **can't**.

 **Luke** , who'd never look that away at Calum twice, simply because Calum was the walking definition of ugly, or so that's what his inner self always screamed at him.

Calum sinks the blade, hissing at first, but then sighing a bit in relief. Finally, a break from that damn knife in his heart. Speak of the devil.

"Callllly, we're back! I got you some fries, and your favorite-" _Shit. Shit. Shit_. "Cal, where are you?" Calum begins to mentally freak out. The tub was filled with thick blood now, and there was no talking his way out of that.

"I-in h-here Lukey," The elder stutters out, struggling to drain the tub. He forgot to lock the door as well, goddammit. It's all too soon before Luke opens the door, not even noticing cal yet. "Bruh, there was this hottest cashier at maccas. He was taller than me with-" Calum tried pushing his blade in further _~Luke was in the bathroom already,what did he have to lose?~_ in his thigh at the sound of hearing Luke talk about someone else _~especially another man~_ that way. It filled Calum's chest with fury, because Luke was his. And Luke being gay? This was certainly new. Luke finally looks u then, and almosts has a stroke at the sight. Calum; his love, his life is bathing in his own blood, more spurting out each second. And he doesn't appear to be in pain. Luke drops the McDonalds bags and his phone immediately, and crouches down to where Calum was still creating new scars.

"Weren't supposed to see this, dammit."Calum muttered, feeling a bit light headed from the scent of blood filling throughout the bathroom. Luke didn't hear him over the sounds of his already broken sobs. "Baby, why? Why why why?! WHY WOULD YOU HURT YOURSELF LIKE THIS I DONT...ARGH!!" Even at the tone of Lukes voice, Calum allows his heart to flutter at the pet-name ' _baby_ '. Luke was compulsive, and he felt like punching a wall at the thought of his Calum hurting himself with Luke alive, letting it happen. He wastes no time picking the naked tanned lad out of the tub bridle style, him Unhealthily light. Luke gasps when he sees Calum's ribs, and how skinny he was. The blond tears his shirt off quickly, and gently presses it to his Mares sputtering cuts. Calum hisses, snuggling into Lukes bare collarbone. He plops Cal on his bed and tries to wipe his tears away so that he could talk. "Cal... The other day when you were throwing up? You were forcing yourself, weren't you?" Calum stays silent, silent whimpers leaving his mouth. He felt vulnerable, and exposed. Luke feels his heart break at the sight, wiping away tears of his own. "How someone as beautiful as you could hurt yourself like that, is beyond me," Luke whispers, setting the other crying boy on his lap.

"M' not, Lukey. I'm really not. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be alive! I have nothing to fucking _live_ for, dammit!!" It feels good to get this off of his chest at last. Luke just calmly brushes Calum's hair behind his Ear, and hums softly;

"You can live for me." Calum eyes shoot up at those words, and his heart feels on fire like it never has before. It's pounding, fluttery ,and is heated, and all Calum's heart has ever felt is pain, so the foreign change is electrifying "You're the reason I'm still here now, so," Th noir admits, and Luke puts his fingers under The older boys chin, and lifts it up so that he's looking straight at Chrystal blues.

"Look at me, Calum." Calum didn't want to. He might fall into a daze at his beauty.

"D' wanna, Lukey. You're too _pretty_ for me."

"Stop it Calum. Stop it, and look at me now." Calum slowly, and hesitantly trails his huge puppy dog rounds up to Luke oceans. "You can't Love anyone until you love yourself," Luke says, stroking Calum's now flushed cheek. "So Let me love you." All Calum can do is nod, amazed. His heat is all over the place now, but he's with Luke, and it's alright. The bassist widens his eyes when he sees Luke leaning in. So he just wraps his legs around Luke's waist where they were sitting on his bed, and his arms around his neck. After what seems like a long while, Luke's lips finally land on Calum's red ones. As cliché as it sounded, their lips fit together _perfectly_  , and Calum feels his whole body on fire once again. Luke feels exactly the same, questioning himself on why he didn't do this sooner. There was no rush, no heat, just passion, and love, Luke trying to get across in the best way possible that Calum is so _beautiful_  , and worth it. Calum tugs on the ends of Luke's hair, and he lets out a moan. Calum swears it's the best sound he has ever heard. Luke breaks away from their kiss for air, only to be brought back in by the eager boy that sat in his lap. Luke licks around his mouth, exploring. Calum shifts a bit, and it creates friction, making them both moan simultaneously.

"M-more," Calum breathes, making out suddenly not being enough. But Luke wasn't about to let this be some one night shit. This was Calum, this had to be special.

"Let me handle this, Hun." Luke comforts, and picks Calum off of his lap, and lays him down on his bed. He was already naked, so Luke didn't have to waist time stripping Him besides; he wanted this slow, loving. He crawls on top of Calum, straddling him, and presses a soft kiss to the tanned forehead under him. "Everytime you think no ones looking, I am. Because I can't keep my eyes off of you, it's _impossible_." Calum blushes, but pokes at Luke's side, teasing;

"Creeper," and Luke chuckles, because that was the way their relationship was, and probably always be .

"Shut up, asshole. I'm trying to be sweet." They laugh once more, before Luke trails down, and presses a kiss full to Calum's lips. "Everytime someone ships us together, I get this exciting feeling at the pit of my stomach, because the thought of being with you makes me so _happy_ , almost as happy as am right now because damn, this a dream come true."Calum's  whole face was red now, the blush creeping to the back of his Neck and he was breathing heavily. Still not believing his beauty, but slowly starting to think Maybe Luke has feelings for him too. "And that blush. That blush kills me, I _swear_ it's illegal to be that goddamn adorable," and of course, Calum's face just tints a darker red. Luke's lips go to Calum's neck then, and he smiles into the heated skin. "Everytime you, and Ashton, or Michael cuddle, or flirt with you, it takes everything in my willpower not to beat their ass Til they bleed."

"W-why?" Calum gasps, Luke finding his sweet spot, and sucking lightly. 

"Because my love," Luke blows cold hair over the spot, making Calum hiss. He was so undone, and withering beneath the blond, this was all so new to him; the _kissing_ , the _praise_ , the feeling to be touched in not pain, but _passion_. "You're mine," Luke grins at his mark, confirming his territory. Not as in to make Calum his property, but as in Its his job to love him. A pained Look crosses the blue eyed boy as he kisses onCal's bony  chest.

"O-ow." Calum whines, he hasn't ate in days.

"I know, baby." Luke rubs calming circles On the fluffy haired lads tummy, and keeps going down to softly kiss the scars on his thighs. "Knowing you did this to yourself kills me in every way imaginable. You have to promise me that you'll never try to do that again." Cal shakes his head sadly.

"Can't do that, Lukey. I just can't promise you that," he puts his head down in shame, and Something in Luke snaps that makes him realize that's he's going to have to face facts if he wants to be in love with someone suicidal.

"Okay. But promise me this; that you'll try believing in your beauty as much as me." Calum couldn't promise that either, but all he wanted was to make his Lukey happy.

"Fine," Luke grins, and licks his lips, "Now where was I?" He's past his stomach, so he licks a wet line down Calum's happy trail, him still a bit wet with Bath water. Cal whines when the blonds hot breath fans over His length, and he begins to grow needy. "C-cmon, Lukey," he begs, eyes squeezed shut. He had no idea what he wanted Luke to get on with _~ah, innocence is sweet~_ but knew it was going to be good. "Like I said, Sweetie. You let me handle this, let me take care of you," And at last there is a pink mouth wrapped around Calum's dick, and he feels a wash of pleasure wash over him Like he's never felt before. Luke pulls off to Look at his lover through his eyelashes. "This is gonna sound weird but... You have a pretty dick, too. Everything, hood, just everything about you. You're so amazing I can't put it into words. I just...wow," Luke breathes, and Calum doesn't blush anymore. He just smiles a real smile, finally feeling genuinely loved.

"Thank you, Lukey. Now choke on my cum now thx," he snorts, but is cut off short with Calum back into the care of his pretty lips one again. He just experimented around a bit, knowing Cal has never tried anything like this. He kitten licks th tip, and practically makes out with it. Calum's hips are shaking in pure enjoyment, and eyes clouded with such Euphoria he felt himself becoming blind by pleasure. Luke then takes Calum fully in his mouth, and starts to suck vigorously. Calum grips the sheets, and thrusts into Luke's mouth shamelessly. He reaches his hands up to stroke what he couldn't fit into his mouth. Calum groans at the unfamiliar, but astounding feelings. Luke hums at The fluffy haired boys sounds; the whimpers, the moans, the begging, sending the vibrations straight to Calum's dick.

"L-Lukey. S-So good. Thank y-you. Gonna uh-" Luke understood, and pulled off with a ' _pop_ '. "You wanna go all the way, hun? We don't have to, but anything to prove to you how special you are to me. It'll just be slow, special, sweet. Nothing more, nothing less I promise." And Calum believed him, a nod pushing his worries away. Luke gets up from their spot on the bed, and starts humming a familiar tune. He grabs the lube bottle, and Condom packet from on top of Calum's dresser, and brings them to the bed. He slowly strips himself, giving Cal a show. When he's finished, he pulls his lover into a passionate kiss filled with love for each other. They break away, and Luke smiles. "Let me prep you, baby." Calum just nods, not exactly understanding what that term meant, but wanting it from Luke. Luke pumps  generous amount of the slick substance on his fingers, and coos for Cal to turn over. He happily obliges, and lays on his tummy, bum elevated a bit. Luke traces a cold finger around the skin, and slowly pushes around cals tight, pink hole. Calum gasps at the feeling, and squirms a bit. He feels a bit violated.

"Gotta relax, kitten. Gonna hurt like a bitch, but it'll fade." Calum just nods, and Luke places his finger back, pressing a bit deeper this time. It's like there's a barrier restricting anything from happening, but he pushes past it. He starts to push it in and out at a steady pace. Calum feels uncomfortable for a few more seconds, before something changes, and he begins to grind down on Luke's fingers craving more. Luke groans a little at the sight. "So pretty for me, princess." Calum doesn't hear him over the pure bliss he was in.

"M-more!" Cal whines, and Luke complies _~anything for his Calum~_ and adds a second finger, continuing to stretch him out.

"S-so tight, Cal." Luke moans, keeping his eyes trained on the way Calum's eyes kept fluttering open then shut again. He just barely brushes past a spot that makes Calum's back arch, and make him scream out.

"L-Lukey! What was that?" Luke smirks; he's found the spot. "Do it again, pleasee Lukey," Calum begs, jutting his bottom lip out. Even as hot, and flustered as this situation was, he still managed to look _adorable_ in every way humanly possible.

"Anything for you, my love," Luke whispers, and begins to slam his fingers in that spot at a face pace, making Calum squirm feverishly.

"I-I think I'm ready," Calum chokes out, pleasure lacing his words. Luke presses a sweet kiss to Calum's blood tainted lips in worry. "Im proud of you, baby." Luke praises. As cliché as this situation kind of already was, he wasn't going to do the whole; "Are you sure you're ready?" Thing, because although every fiber in his being cared for Calum's well being, if his princess said he was ready, then hell, he's ready. Luke grabs the condom wrapper that's on the bed, and rips it open with his teeth, as Calum watches intently.

"Excited honey?" Excited indeed, his cock was practically aching. Luke puts some more Lube on his hand, and slicks himself up. Calum lets out a girlish noise at the sight of Luke practically wanking. Luke smirks, and looks at Cal admirably. "I hope you know how long I've been waiting for this," Luke says sadly, positing his dick around Calum's pink hole. Cal grunts in impatience. "Me too, now push in," Luke chuckles a bit, but complies finally going all the way in, balls deep. Cal winces, and Luke immediately pulls out, mumbling apologies for hurting his Cally. "S'okay, Lukey. Just wait a bi, yeah?" Luke nods, but is not sure how much more he can take. Calum feels so good around him. A few moments later, Calum gives Luke the nod of approval to start moving. Luke does, pushing in and out a slow pace.

 _"You should let me love you,"_ Luke begins to sing huskily in Calum's ear in time with his thrusts. " _Let me be the one to give you everything you want and need,"_ Calum moans, seeing Luke on top of him all sweaty, and singing to him, his dick going deeper each time was just too much.

"S-so good," Cal confirms, encouraging Luke to keep going.

 _"Baby, good love and protection, make me your selection. Show you thee way loves supposed to be,"_ Luke sounded out a breathe now, taking breaks as he lazily sucked into Cals neck. Meanwhile, Calum was practically screaming out, never believing such pleasure was possible. Luke finds his spot again then, and Calum scratches marks on Luke's back, despite this supposed to be gentle.

"FuckFuckFuck, Luke!" Luke licks into Calum's mouth before grabbing his lovers hips, and going a bit faster, but still lovingly. It's this disgusting sneaky sound, but to them it's just the love their making.

 _"You deserve better boy, we should together boy, with me and you it's whatever boy, so can we make this thing ours?"_ Luke coos, hitting Calum's prostate repeatingly. Cal feels his heart flutter knowing Luke wanted to be his. He feels his brain start to loosen, and old scars start to heal at once. ' _Maybe I am worth it'_ he thinks. "S-so Close Lukey, please let me cum," Calum begs, head feeling heavy in goodness. Luke shakes his head.

"Together, baby. Let's cum together, connect our love."

"You cliché shit," Calum teases, but it's interrupted by his own moan. Luke starts to slow down perpously, grinding his hips in a slow, teasing circle, bringing them closer to the edge. Luke reaches down to grip the elders cock tightly, the thrusts, tune of the song, and jerking off going in synch peacefully.

"God, you're beautiful,"  Luke marveled for the 100th time that night, then proceeds to sing the last line of the tune; _"Let me love you, that's all you need baby_ ," and Calum takes that as a sign, and with one last hard, deep, thrust, they both cum together in hot, white stripes, bodies shaking violently, especially Calum who screeched bloody murder in the best possible way. They ride out their highs, until Luke collapses onto the sensitive boy. After a while, his blue looks up to the brown that was already starting at him in insecurity. "Did I do good, Lukey?" "Wonderful, honey. Especially because it was with whom I love," Calum's eyes widen in shock, Luke wasn't lying.

"Been waiting so long," Luke says, smiling widely.

"M-me too. Thought I wasn't good enough."

"Great enough, Cal. You're great, and I just, you're so... You're the best goddamn thing that's ever happened to be, so be mine? I couldn't live with myself otherwise." Calum smiles, _oh_ how he hated his smile, but Luke seemed to love it.

"Of course Lukey, I'd love to."

"And I love you."

"Corny bastard."

"Hot bastard."

"Fine, I love you too."

"I know," Calum hits his boyfriend _~and God, that word sounded so right~_ arm playfully, and sighs.

"I'm sticky." Luke giggles, and cleans him up.

"And pretty," and for the first time in a long time, Calum believed it.

Calum was beautiful because their Love was.

Thanks to Luke, he'd have someone to bathe with Instead of bathing in blood.

Someone to feed him instead of not eating at all.

Someone to love him when he didn't love himself.

He had Luke, and that's all he ever wanted to begin with.

 ** _End_**.

~•~

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work here on ao3! It's also my first attempt at smut, so I hope it was decent! Cake is my OTP, so I'll be posting a lot more works of them as well (: want me to request something in particular? Let me know, I'll write it. Feedback would be lovely, thank you xx (:


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